Today I am at my wits end. Period. No other way to describe it. Everything has put me on edge. Starting with the fact that I had to get up at 5:45 am to take my brother and sister to meet up with their youth group who was heading to the beach today. So I didn't get enough sleep. Gianna preceded to pee in her underwear all day even though she knows how and when to go to the potty. I am so tired of cleaning up her nasty underwear. I've done nothing but run around all day....been in the car way to much the past two days. My little brother is a talker, non sense talker, and him jabbering all day has gotten on my nerves. Went home to take a blessed nap in my own bed only to wake up and discover my husband is as sick as a dog. We're assuming it was lunch, he was the only one who had steak at the Mexican place. I'm hoping that's all it is because I don't need me or Gianna coming down with a stomach bug. I think poop is bad, vomit is so much worse. My mom, who is vacationing in Canada with my dad for their 25th anniversary, texted me to let me know that my little brother had football practice, unexpectedly and unknown to me, tonight. We didn't make it. I didn't even try. The thought of sitting at the ballpark for two hours in the sun didn't appeal to me in the least. Dinner was late, and not that good. Gianna pooped in her underwear and I thought I was going to explode. Beej projectile vomited all over my sisters room...still finding evidence of it in there even though he cleaned it up. Today has sucked. To say the very least. So I'm going to go curl up in a ball in my bed, no make that my brother's bed because I'm not even home in the midst of all this. I don't even have that one comfort. Ohhhhh....I may have a good cry to relieve some of this pent up stress and I hope and pray tomorrow the sun is out so we can spend some time by the pool. Maybe tomorrow will be better, well, tomorrow has to be better or I'll have a mental break down!
So it's been awhile since I've blogged. Just haven't really felt like it lately to be honest. I've had plenty to say but just didn't feel like saying it!
Gianna is two weeks (almost) in to potty training and she's caught on beautifully! I couldn't be prouder with her progress. The first week we had a bit of an issue with her going "big" in the potty but that has slowly resolved itself over this last week. She's still a little cautious and it takes her quite a bit of time to relax but she's got the idea! I've rewarded her tons, with praise and prizes and I think she's pretty proud of herself as well.
I am dying for August to just be here already! I can't believe that on August 5th Beej and I will have been married for four years! In some ways I can't believe it's been that long and in other ways it seems like it's been longer. Still love him dearly and couldn't imagine my life without him. He's made alot of sacrifices for Gianna and I and I just hope one day soon all his hard work pays off.
We are also attending a concert as our big anniversary gift to each other! Drum roll please...we are going to see COLDPLAY! You have no idea how excited and pumped I am about seeing them live! It's going to be one of the greatest experiences ever! Beej introduced me to Coldplay back in 2004 and I've been hooked ever since. They are an incredible band, with incredible talent. Nothing moves me like a Coldplay song can.....To this day the opening chords of "The Scientist" gives me goosebumps. I guess because Coldplay changed my whole idea of music and lyrics and poetry and emotion.....they are amazing! So needless to say I am thrilled about this concert!
Next Aug 23 is my 23rd birthday! Don't ask me why but for some reason I am really excited about my 23rd birthday. It seems like more of an adult age then 21 did. Maybe it's because I just now feel like I'm getting my head on straight as an adult. Having a two year old now makes me feel like I'm not a new parent anymore. It's also making me really decide what I think it right and wrong and how I plan to stand up for that when others challenge me. I know that I'm going to allow Gianna to do things that others might not like or see as "proper raising"! Lol! But I think Gianna is going to be a well rounded child. I want to be a "cool" parent. And not in a cheesy sense of the word "cool" but as in, I don't ever want Gianna to think she can't talk to me about anything. Lots of parents say that but as soon as their child opens their mouth to say something they deem "wrong" or "controversial" the child is punished for even thinking about it. I don't ever want to jump to conclusions before she has fully explained what she's thinking. That's what I mean by "cool", maybe I really mean "cool headed"!
On top of that I'm planning my third tattoo! Actually I've been planning it for awhile, deciding on what I wanted. I've picked some ideas and one of Beej's band mates is being kind enough to draw up a few ideas of his own. I'm adding to the tat that's already on my foot. I want something bigger, bolder, prettier and totally rock star! Oh yay!
Plus August is mine and Beej's month to get totally serious about getting in shape. We've talked about it for awhile but it's really time to get it going. We are starting the P90X series. I've heard it's kick butt and living hell and I think that's what I need to get my butt in shape. I have a goal in mind and several "body" inspirations and I'm going for it. There are so many clothes I am dying to wear this Fall, so many styles. I hate the rut I've fallen into with my style, it's so "county" and "mom-ish" - so not what I want! I'm ready to rock the skinny jeans, the rocker t's and Chuck Taylor's again! Woohoo! Bring it on!
Sooooo, August is my "kick butt' month and I'm can't wait!
I couldn't be more pleased with how Gianna is doing with potty training! She is trying so hard and she's making me very proud! We only have ONE accident today! She made it through the night dry and got up peed and then made it through her nap dry and got up and peed again....later that evening she peed in the floor but I think it's because she was so busy playing she forgot. I usually try to watch for the "signs" or just put her on every 20 minutes or so. She didn't got poo today though, I'm anxious for her to actually do that in the potty. I've got a special prize for her once she does. I try to encourage her with little rewards and treats and that seems to help. She only goes if I'm not in the bathroom with her, I have to wait outside the door and listen for her to go! She is so funny! She held it and held it today until she was like shaking she had to go so bad! Bless her heart! Lol! But overall I don't think it could have gotten much easier, thankfully Gianna seems to just "pick" thing up, kinda like her daddy!
Beej is out on the road again, he's in Ohio tonight. They drove all last night to Chicago, did a radio interview there and then drove all day to Columbus, OH. I think he's pretty tired. Things are a little strained for him right now, just adjusting to being on the road so much and the financial pressures he is facing being a "free lance" musician. But I know he's doing the right thing and it's going to pay off in the end!
I am officially done recording my first song with Beej! I'm so excited! He produced it and it sounds amazing! The song was originally called 'Pursue' but a few weeks ago I completely ditched all the lyrics, which I had written back in 2004, and wrote all new lyrics! The song is now called 'Traveler' and I'm very pleased with the results. I'm eager to get it up online so that everyone can hear it. Beej put alot of hard work and effort into and I think he's pretty proud of the results. He did most of the work, I laid a guitar tracks and vocals which took all of like two hours total but he put in about 20 hours on putting the music together. I can't thank him enough. I've already got my next song up and ready to record! But I think I need to give him a break to get some of his stuff done too!
I am officially potty training Gianna now. We started yesterday. Threw away her diapers and broke out the panties! She had several accidents throughout the morning but finally put a little trickle in the potty mid morning. I was thrilled and she seemed pretty surprise at it all! Before lunch I put her on the potty and she wanted a popsicle so I told her she could have one if she sat there and peed. And she did with popsicle in hand!!! She stayed dry through her nap and peed like a champ when I got her up! I was so excited! After that I'm not sure we made it to the actual potty anymore. I'd sit her on there and then after I'd get her off she'd pee in the floor. Then right before bed last night in the 2 mins. I wasn't watching her closely she pooped in her panties! Ugh! I thought changing a poopy diaper was bad....GROSS! Hopefully we'll managed to make it to the bathroom to number 2 today! She sat on the toilet last at 10 45pm last night and then went to bed, woke up dry this morning (I WAS THRILLED!) and then sat on the potty forever without peeing, I knew she had to go though because she kept getting those "I gotta pee chills"!!! So I got her a popsicle and walked out and that relaxed her enough to go! She was pretty proud of herself!!! But not nearly as proud and as excited as I was! We'll see how tody goes!!!
So I'm still on week one of my diet. I've only had one slip up really and that was a cookie. Yes, chocolate cookies, left over from 4th of July. But I've been good about getting at least 45 minutes exercise every day between a workout DVD and walking or swimming. It's alot harder to keep your calories down to 1000 or less then you think. I'm shocked at how many calories stuff has sometimes....like a turkey and cheese sub on whole wheat bread at Subway has 520 calories!!! Wow! But I realize more and more that I eat for pleasure and the taste rather then when I'm hungry and actually need food. I crave sugar! Yikes!
This weekend will be a challenge too because we're going to spend the weekend up in Lake Lure at a cabin with Beej's brothers and their families. It's going to be fun! Beej's mom had three boys and all of her boys have daughters! No boys!!! Ranging from age 17 down to 2! So it'll be fun, we're just going to relax and do nothing - maybe hit the pool a bit but other then that we're just going to enjoy each others company. It's so rare that we all get together.
I am babysitting my best friend's little girl today - she's 19 months old! Her and Gianna have a bit of a toddler love/hate relationship going on! They like each other and love to play but they both are used to everything being theirs so they end up fighting over everything!!! Gianna especially.....but they'll live!!! I'm keeping them at my mom's house along with my 9 year old brother who is currently dancing around in front of his X-Box! I don't understand why they have to jump around to play a video game! Making hot dogs and fries for everyone's lunch except mine - I'm having low fat tuna salad and wheat cracks and a plum! Temptation is looming, I can feel it! But I must resist, I must!!!! Not to mention the giant tub of chocolate cookies in the freezer, but I'm strong and I CAN and WILL do this!!! Lol!!!
Today I started my new diet. I've been having some stomach issues lately, they seem to be getting worse as time goes on. I haven't watched my diet even though I needed to due to the fact that I had my gallbladder removed over two years ago. But it seems like lately everything I eat seems to really mess with my stomach. So as of last week I decided to go on a fairly strict diet - portion control but also what I eat. I've cut out all red meat and pork (I couldn't really eat pork before but I've cut out bacon too), I've cut out most white flour products (trying to stick to whole grain stuff), cut out sugar (except natural sweetners like honey). I'm also trying to drink alot more fluids, especially juice. I tend to not drink much at all, even when I'm hot or active. Thus I stay partially dyhydrated all the time and this has started leading to me having head aches quite often. Plus I'm trying to get back to walking again, when I walked a couple of miles a day and did basic sit ups and leg lifts at home I started seeing results. I have gained back all the weight I had started losing. My BMI and weight put me in the over weight category for my height. I've watched both sides of my family struggle with their weight all my life and I don't want the rest of my life to be a constant up and down battle....although I've already started seeing that pattern in my life. I'm still searching for that ONE thing that motivates and inspires me beyond anything.....I don't know what it will be or if I'll ever find it. For now I'm just trying to do this one day at a time. I've made it through today but not without temptation. Evening seems to be the worst for me, I make it all day and then by evening I seem to start to crumble. But I've set my goal for 25lbs by November. I'd like to be down 10lbs at least by my birthday at the end of August. Gotta get my butt moving! I've tried to find other women/girls that are an inspiration to me. Right now my biggest inspiration is Kristen Stewart, I love her carefree, rock n roll style and her skinny build!
I got my hair cut today! Woohoo! I've been debating it for like oh, two weeks or longer. I knew I didn't want to go super short, or too "crazy" because I need something that's kinda low maintence for now. But my hair was so long, and so hot for the summer, not to mention the ends hadn't been cut in like 9 months and they are DEAD!!! So I finally just sucked it up and cut it today! The girl that did it did a good job and I'm pleased with it. I'm still getting used to it being this short again, I cut off about 5 inches! Gianna said "cute hair, Mom!" So I guess I'm good! So far, my hubby hasn't noticed, granted I only saw him face to face outside in the sun for like 10 mins. but still.....we'll see if and when he ever notices!!! Lol! I need some color change next but color is hard to maintain especially if it's something you have to go to the salon for, and that takes money which I don't have to spend on getting my hair done once a month! For now I'm good with it just being dark brown....
Tomorrow I'm hosting a jewelry party at my house! This will be the first non-family event I've had here at my small, humble home! I don't play hostess very well, so luckily my mom will be here to do that for me...but it will be interesting to see how it goes!!!
